What Is S.P.I.C.E.? by Mary Frances Fairfax
SPICE is the annual Spouses' and Partners' International Conference for
Education. It is essentially the only event in Genderland that focuses on the needs
of wives of crossdressers, and of crossdresser-couples.
In 1987, my husband and I became concerned about the lack of any
meaningful programs for wives of crossdressers at gender community conventions. The
husbands could waltz around in their finery, get made over, attend seminars, party and
have a good time being their femme selves. Wives were an afterthought. We were
at best "along for the ride," with no real voice in the community. Few of
us attended meetings at all, since nothing was provided for us. After a series
of long walks and conversations, my husband and I conceived a convention which would focus
on our needs as women married to crossdressers, and the needs of our relationships.
Other wives thought this was a great idea, but the movers and shakers of
Genderland were less than enthusiastic. Finally, in 1992, we proposed the SPICE
conference to the Tri-Ess Board of Directors, which approved it and voted appropriate
funding for it. Tri-Ess also raised funds from supportive Genderland entities, the
Winslow Street Fund being the chief, and promoted local fundraising efforts. The first
SPICE conference, held in Dallas in 1993, was extremely successful, and the rest is
history.
SPICE is a program of Tri-Ess, administered by a wife who is
Director of the Tri-Ess Dept. of Spouses' and Partners' Support. Its day-to-day
operations are the responsibility of the Director and her appointed Planning Board of
wives. The present Director of SPICE is Dr. Peggy Rudd, author of My Husband Wears
My Clothes, Crossdressing With Dignity, and Crossdressers and Those Who Share Their Lives.
Peggy, a member of the Tri-Ess Board of Directors, reports twice yearly to
the Board, which administers the program.
The goal of SPICE is to provide participants with the
knowledge and tools to reach their own comfort zones with crossdressing in their
relationships. There is absolutely no private agenda, nor is there any attempt to
bring wives to any preconceived level of acceptance. Every wife and every
relationship has different needs. SPICE provides the building blocks every wife can use to
define her needs and those of her relationship.
Presenting programs at SPICE are some of the most eminent
helping professionals in America. The focus is on communications skills,
relationship-building and information about crossdressing issues. At SPICE 97, for
example, the following programs were offered:
Sex and Intimacy
Boundaries and Negotiation
Growing Together, Not Apart
Building Your Self Esteem
Getting to Know Your Partner
Ask Your Doctor, Minister and Author
It Wasn't Always Easy!
Getting to Know Yourself
Exploding the Myths About Crossdressers and Their Partners
The program at SPICE is designed to flow smoothly. There is
usually an introductory excursion, the most notable of which was a Philadelphia Harbor
Cruise at SPICE 96. The following day and a half are devoted to seminars. Then
another break is provided via a menu of interesting excursions. Then another day of
seminars. Every SPICE conference has a theme. SPICE 97's was "Getting to
Know You."
Over the last two years, SPICE has begun increasingly to work on
couples' issues. Husbands are welcome and have their own programs. For
the comfort of the wives, however, no crossdressing is allowed at the conference. Programs
for husbands and wives are parallel, so that couples can communicate on similar issues
after they return home. The most beautiful thing about SPICE is that so many couples
have found renewed hope for their relationships. There is also a spirit of camaraderie
among the participants that lingers from year to year. Those of us who are SPICE
veterans can certainly vouch for that!
The conference is designed to reach as many wives and couples as
possible. It is always held in midsummer, when wives can most easily budget vacation time
and are not as likely to be juggling their children's school schedules. It is always held
in a city that is a major air hub, at a moderately priced hotel with airport shuttle
service. Registration costs are kept as low as possible, and some scholarships are
given in hardship cases. Direct contributions from Tri-Ess, IFGE's Winslow
Street Fund, Tri-Ess chapters and other local groups and individuals all combine to make
it possible to offer scholarships and to bring in the professional presenters. SPICE
is truly a labor of love by many people.