What Do You Do When You've Achieved All Your Goals?
by Jane Ellen Fairfax
Section top! 300 Masterpoints, with 25 Gold Points! For three years I had
read to improve my game, asked advice, and played duplicate bridge several times a
week. Now I had my Gold Card. I was a Life Master, the highest rank in
bridge. How wonderful I felt!
For about three months. Then it hit me. Having accomplished my goals, I had no
new barriers to hurdle. Somehow, I felt I had outgrown the masses striving for that
gold card. To be as talented as 7Barry Crane or Paul Soloway was not within my
reach. What else did I need to learn? I could play a hand, defend, and get to
the right spot in the bidding. Besides, the squabbling at the table irritated
me. Some people just took bridge too seriously. All those entry fees and books
added up, too. It was time to go on to other things. And so, by degrees, I dropped
away from the world of bridge, from a hobby that had given me much joy.
So many crossdressers perpetuate this same tragedy. How often do they accomplish
their goals and then drop out of the community! Reading how-to columns, they improve
their feminine self-image. From voice coaches they learn to modulate and inflect
their voices like proper ladies. Finally, they are able to pass in public, to go out
whenever and wherever they please. Suddenly, they begin to think condescendingly of their
chapters as merely "bigger closets." Who needs yet another hair care
symposium or makeover session? While they might not match the appearance of the girl
of their fantasies, they are comfortable with who they are. "Ah,
yes," they recall on reading of an emerging sister's struggles, "I
was there once - long ago."
And they're ever mindful of the cost of living in the community: "Thirty-five dollars
a year to be in Tri-Ess. And the chapter wants money, too. Now IFGE is into my
pocket for a membership fee. You know, I could buy a nice dress with that money -
maybe some earrings, too. And what do I need the magazines and directories
for? My wife and I go out as two girls, and I've got sisters who will go out with
me. Besides, everyone's got their knives into one another over philosophical stuff
that means nothing to me. Who needs the hassle?" So they drop by the
wayside - those who have accomplished, and those who think they've accomplished, what they
desired. All of us are the worse off for their loss.
Thanks to three kind friends, I did not drop out of bridge. My beloved friend Joyce
inspired me to use my love for teaching to help novice players. Two other friends,
both expert players, taught me how little I really knew about bridge. When I play
nowadays, I don't even know how many masterpoints I have. Every hand is different;
one never knows when a completely new situation will come up. Without struggle, or
even realization of improvement, I'm getting better at the game. Learning the fine
points and teaching others has made bridge even more fulfilling. Now I play, not for
achievement of goals, but for the love of the game.
The same fulfillment is available for crossdressers. Probably no one needs Tri-Ess
less than Virginia Prince. Virginia is a full-time crossdresser; she spends her
whole life en femme. How easy would it have been, once she found her own peace, to
go her way and leave the community! Had she done so, we would never have had her
books of wisdom, nor would the far-flung gender community have flourished as it does
now. But Virginia is always enrolled in that University of Life, looking for new
insights and ways to help others.
Several years ago, JoAnn Roberts helped a crossdresser in her emergence. Later, grateful
for JoAnn's gentle encouragement, the sister asked JoAnn how she could ever repay
her. Replied JoAnn, "Help another crossdresser." Sisterly love and
support are two gifts that keep on giving - not only for the new sister, but also for the
giver of the gift. "I've outgrown you" is a statement of the
ego; "I will help you" is an outpouring of the heart.
Staying involved will pay enormous dividends. Experienced crossdressers can yawn
along at presentations on accessorizing, or they can listen and glean nuggets of
information that will add a whole new dimension to their feminine image. They can
moan about the cost of dues and publications, or they can witness the miracle of
emergence, the miracle that never grows old. They can lock their knowledge smugly
away, or they can share it with those in need. They can bewail the backbiting in our
community, or be a voice for peace. They can bask in self-satisfaction, or they can
emulate the heroines of history. There are some who don't need to crossdress anymore, who
have fully integrated the masculine and feminine within themselves. For these there
is the sweetest part of the crossdressing experience - crossdressing for artistic
expression, for fun, "for the love of the game."