Chi Upsilon Iota Tri-Ess

Going to church as Rae Louise

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I want to let you know how God reached out to me yesterday during church while dressed as Rae and how I have quite possibly been changed forever.
I have been a crossdresser and quite possibly a transgender (a new term I am getting used to) for most of my
remembered life dating back to when I was in 1st grade or perhaps younger.

I have been a practicing Christian since the early 1970’s when I entered junior High school. All my life I have struggled with the torment in my mind, body and soul that there was something not right with me. I remember praying to Jesus as a new Christian that he would perform a miracle and I’d wake up as a girl with all the accessories. Not because I hated my male body, but because the female side in me was trying to emerge and I had no idea what or how to deal with this.

I spent the next 30 years or so (my Lord has it been that long) struggling with my faith because of my own misunderstanding that God could not use a TG for any good reason. About a year ago, I realized that I had to do something and I started seeking God on a deeper level and started to scour the Internet looking for a valid reason why being CD/TS was against scripture. I can’t find it anywhere.

In December I told my wife (who has known,but not approved or participated) that things were coming to a head and I had to do something or go crazy. This spring I joined TRI-ESS and shortly after started communicating with so many others just like I was, but the spiritual element was still not there. Oh, there
are many Christians in TRI-ESS and I was encouraged many times by them, but I needed to come to that point of self-acceptance on my own.

Sitting in service Sunday morning as Rae Louise was the culmination of almost 30 years of desire for me. My female side had to find Jesus and realize that she is loved as much as my male side. I forget the song we were singing that morning now, but the words, although sung before as my male self suddenly sank in as I realized Jesus was there and he was calling my name “Rae, I love you unconditionally, I accept you and I want you”. Well, I felt the touch of God, that tingle down my spine and my eyes started to tear up. Something I have not felt in church for oh so very long. The more I listened and prayed and sang, the more I cried. The more
I cried, the more I felt that 30 year burden of guilt and shame leave my body. The harder I tried to compose myself, the more God said, “let it go my daughter and my son.” I spend the remainder of the service listening and crying.

When the communion came I was hesitant to come forward, not because of fear or awkwardness being a visitor in a different church, but I was afraid that I may not be able to stand and that I’d would break down completely before everyone sobbing. I composed myself and took communion and sat back down. The sobbing continued andsomeone got up, and brought me some tissue. That simple act from a brother handing me,
a TG in church a Kleenex with no condemnation, no comment, only genuine Christian love only caused me to cry more.

I finally was able to compose my self and I know that God has done the miraculous in my life. He did what I had prayed he would do so long ago. I woke up and I was Rae. I left church and on the way home, my sister and I talked about church and every time I started to talk about my experience, I started to cry.

I drove home and cried every time I started to pray and thank God for what he had done. I prayed before I slept and when I thanked God for touching me and healing me, I cried. Today, a day later, I am writing to express my feelings and I am crying. Now 2 days later, as I am editing this article, I am in tears, knowing that something is different.

God has truly done something in my life. He has taught me that I can be my male self, and Rae at the same time. He loves all of me. He taught me I am not a freak, I am not a pervert, I am a child of the King and he created me this way for a greater cause.

Love and Prayers

Rae Louise Wall.