Transgender issues
Rae Louise Wall
August 2004
Introduction:
Imagine living life at only half your potential, many of your emotions
throttled, your dreams and desires locked in secrecy. Imagine for a moment
a deep longing with your every breath, thought and emotion to simply be free
to look on the outside how you feel on the inside. Imagine having to "prove"
yourself to others by denying the more sensitive aspects of your personality,
to prove to those around you that you are "normal" and not an oddity.
Now, imagine these feelings at age 5, or at age 7, or age 12.
What if most information and images people had about who
you were inside was obtained from such unbiased sources as "Jerry Springer,"
Hollywood Movies and drag shows. How do you explain to them "I am a heterosexual
male, I do not want to have a sex change, but I like to wear women's clothes"?
How do you overcome the weight of social stereotypes that have borne down
on you all your life?
How do years of hiding feelings and aspects of your personality
affect your interpersonal relationships with others? What if your spouse does
not know you are doing this, or your family, friends and co-workers? What
if they find out and abandon you?
These are just some of the issues that face the typical transgendered person
in the world today.
Issues facing the transgender community:
I believe there are 3 main issues that affect the transgendered community
today. All three of them have been alluded to in my opening comments; fear,
understanding and acceptance.
The first is Fear: There are many
things that a transgendered person fears. Fear that we are not normal, fear
of what loved ones will think if "only they knew", fear of what
will happen if we venture out of the house and are "caught" by someone,
fear of discrimination in housing and in the workplace, and many others.
The fear that we are not "normal" is often what
drives many transgendered deep into that closet. In the context of what is
normal however, most transgendered follow a very similar path of self discovery
starting at around the same age and following the same basic progression of
events in life.
The fear of what loved ones and others would think is a difficult
fear. For many transgendered individuals the act of crossdressing has been
a closely guarded secret for years. On the outside, they may look and act
very much as their birth gender, however deep inside them is another aspect
of life that is often screaming to be set free. This internal fight to keep
others from "knowing" about our secret is often devastating to a
transgendered individual's emotions and even relationships. Many transgendered
have turned to alcohol, drugs, and other escape mechanisms to try and cope.
The fear of being caught is immense among the transgendered community. We
are taught from an early age that boys wear pants; climb trees and play sports
and girls wear skirts, play house and cheer the boys as they play sports.
For a transgendered individual to tell others that he would rather be a cheerleader
(in uniform of course) than the quarterback causes them to stay in that closet.
If anyone ever found out that that guy wanted to be a cheerleader, imagine
the ridicule!
While some large companies are ending discrimination against
transgendered people, our people can lose their jobs if the company finds
out they are transgendered, whether or not they appear so at work. An example
is Peter Oiler, who lost his job at Winn-Dixie because the company found out
he was transgendered.
Recently there was an election in Texas where the leading
Republican incumbent was "outed" by his competition as being a crossdresser.
Prior to this, the incumbent was in the lead and had all indications of winning
the seat for another term of office. The incumbent lost the election and it
was apparent that it was a direct result of the disclosure of his crossdressing.
The question here is why? Does his crossdressing affect his ability to govern?
Does it affect his ability to think, to act, to perform his duties? Of course
it does not. Why then did he never tell others he was a crossdresser to begin
with? Because he knew the potential existed that people would react as they
did and that fear kept him in the closet.
The second is understanding: Most
people in society do not understand what drives the transgendered individual
to do what we do. Psychologists and professors have been pondering this issue
for years with no conclusive answers. Most transgendered people will tell
you that they do not know the "why" behind it and that makes it
all the more difficult to understand. If the person expressing his transgenderism
has no idea why other than "because I need to", or "it feels
right", how can we explain to others? When we compound this with the
thought that most people's understanding of what a crossdresser or transgendered
individual is comes from the media, and in particular movies, and the daytime
talk show circuit, there is a pronounced misunderstanding of what this is
all about.
Movies tend to portray crosdressers either as "men in
dresses" mostly for comic relief (Tootsye, Mrs. Doubtfire, Some Like
it Hot), or as effeminate gay drag queens (To Wong Foo, Priscilla, Queen of
the Desert). There are very few movies on the market that portray the mainstream
crossdresser or transgendered individual in a positive or even "normal"
manner. This does not help the person dealing with his transgenderism.
Talk shows such as Jerry Springer show most people in less
than representative circumstances. Because of this, people continue to get
a false impression of the typical crossdresser. There are a few shows that
have done positive things for the transgender community. Among the shows are
Oprah and the now defunct Phil Donahue show. Phil's show was one of the first
to openly discuss the concept of a crossdresser and they had members of the
Chicago chapter of Tri-Ess on the show. This is, however, the exception to
the rule.
Most churches tend to automatically lump a crossdresser into
the category of sexual "sin." They have no real basis for this other
than a misunderstanding of Deut 22:5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth
unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment; for all that do
so are abomination unto the Lord thy God. This is interesting because so many
other Old Testament "Blue Laws" are simply ignored by well meaning
Christians. When this verse is studied it is not what it seems to be. I have
printed out a study on this verse and it is available for those interested.
Since so much misinformation exists in the world relating to transgender issues,
it is no wonder that most of us stay buried deep in the closet, petrified
to venture out.
The third is acceptance: If you asked
100 crossdressers what they wanted most in life relating to this issue I suspect
most would place "acceptance by others" at the top of the list.
The need to be accepted for who we are inside is important for anyone. Considering
the typical transgendered individual keeps his "alter ego" a secret
from everyone one has to ask why? The answer if they are often afraid they
will not be accepted if a loved one learns of this part of his life. That
fear of non-acceptance keeps him in the closet for years. Many times after
coming out to a spouse or loved one, the transgendered individual learns his
fears were unfounded, however the years of hiding and secrecy have taken a
large toll on his life. Such conflicts may take years to work out.
Besides acceptance from others, many transgendered individuals
need to learn to accept themselves. If a person can't accept himself for who
and what he is, how can he expect others to accept him? Often times this Lack
of self acceptance is tied to guilt. Many transgendered feel a false guilt
and shame for who they are. This is completely unfounded of course, but the
stigma that is associated with transgender behavior is often enough to create
a heavy burden of guilt.
The same guilt and shame keeps most of us in the closet,
afraid to come out. When a transgendered individual joins a support group
such as Tri-Ess, he starts to learn, through friendships, education and meetings
that he is not alone and there is really nothing to be ashamed of. Once he
starts to understand this concept on his own, the shackles of guilt and shame
start to fall off and self acceptance begins.
Conclusion:
The purpose of this discussion was to address issues facing
the transgendered community today. The three areas I touched on fear, understanding
and acceptance are all interlaced with each other. Understanding brings acceptance,
lack of acceptance brings fear. Growing up as a male with a desire to look,
act and portray oneself in very feminine ways is often a life of torment and
confusion for a young man. It is often not until he learns that he is made
this way for a reason that he can begin to accept himself for who he is. When
he learns to accept himself, he is free.
Thank you for your attention and I now invite you to ask
questions to our panel of guests
|
